How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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