I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
