I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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