Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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