it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
