my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
