I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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