I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
