There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bring me that man meat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
