I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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