i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
