Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
