All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
