fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize