i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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