only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
