You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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