How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
