Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
