i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
