I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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