a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Im part way to drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
