I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
