my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
