i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
