uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i've created a new STD.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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