I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
