I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
