just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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