Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
please don't ironically join a cult
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