Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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