Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i came on her dog
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
