his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
