You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is Oprah even human
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize