Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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