ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
