I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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