Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
