so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
where are you?
Hypothermia
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
