Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
