i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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