We got so high we made milksteak
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
