She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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