You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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