it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
