I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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