Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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