I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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