We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
