im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
