I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I didn't shave. On purpose
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
