It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize