so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
