I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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