You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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