And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
