i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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