question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
