remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
