I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were trust falling into bushes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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