ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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