I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
