I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize