dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
