just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
