you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
