I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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