You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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