I want to have your abortion
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
