We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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