the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
