Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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