Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
