Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
