Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He better not be in your backpack
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
